my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
