i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
