Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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