I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
