Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
