To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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