I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
