Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
