Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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