I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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