five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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