Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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