Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
