Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
