Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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