i need an iv and a liver transplant
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
