Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
