i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
