I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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