Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Randomize
