Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
