yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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