I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
