Can Purell be used as lube?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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