R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
