when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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