My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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