I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
