I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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