Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
why do cheetos always look like penises
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
