i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
