The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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