I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
