Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
