the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
