I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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