guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
