Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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