as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
