Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
