Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I woke up under a house in Key West
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
