What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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