He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
