Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
