I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
