2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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