Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
ttyl tear gas
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
