how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
