you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
