I will die if light touches me.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
