I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
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