omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
