If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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