I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
