did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
