i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
