I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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